How many times per day do you hear the words “thank you?” If you talk with a lot of vendors, and take numerous introductory sales calls, you probably hear those two words all the time. The overuse of this two-word phrase can hurt salespeople because it limits their ability to build rapport. By thanking someone when social norms don’t call for it, you make it difficult to build that relationship
According to Scientific American “thank you” was taught as “a ritualized response that we learn in early childhood.” Our parents and guardians taught us this term, along with a host of others, so that we might be successful contributors to society. They knew full well that without understanding basic social norms, we would have a difficult time succeeding. Somehow, salespeople seem to have taken this simple two-word phrase too far.
There is a dark side when you overuse the term “thank you.” By obsessively thanking someone, you thrash the social norms taught to you by your parents and grandparents. With overuse, you quickly identify yourself to the world as not-authentic, not-genuine---both incredibly important qualities for salespeople who work in a digital world. If you are selling products and services and your buyer does not like you because they deem you unauthentic or disingenuous, that spells trouble.
The largest overuse of “thank you” comes on early sales calls. Often you hear reps start off the call with “thank you so much for making time for me today!” or “thanks so much for talking with me; I’m sure you are very busy.” This approach, especially for executives, is off-putting by the neediness that the platitudes demonstrate. The “I’m sure you’re very busy” line also implies that you as a salesperson have more time than your prospect and therefore undermines the proven persuasive psychological technique of scarcity. This is a counter-productive way to start a sales call.
Instead of tossing out a “thank you,” thus lowering your own value at the beginning of a call, reserve that phrase for later, when it is more appropriate. By holding back a “thank you” until it’s actually warranted, you increase the value of those words and all the words that you’ve chosen to say. Think about replacing the “thank you for joining us today” with “I’m excited to speak with you” or “NAME, good to speak with you today…” and then jump into the purpose for your call.
For internal communications, think about whom you’re speaking with. As your communication goes further up the ladder in an organization, the more direct you should be. Certainly, for individuals lower in your org who are more unsure of hierarchical sensitivities, consider being less direct. However, I’d argue the reason they are lower in the org is because they cannot handle direct communication without the flowery “thank you” responses to each and every email they send. In the latter case, it is important to heed the advice that “proximity is power” and thus distance yourself if you’re looking to grow your career.
Historically the words “thank you” comes from the Germanic “thank jan” and according to some historians the word “thank” is related to the word “think.” My suggestion is that we remember where the phrase “thank you” originates and remember how we were taught to use the term as children. By doing some ‘thinking’ before spouting the congratulatory phrase to whomever, based on whatever they do, we’ll have a more successful conversation, regardless of whether the setting is business or personal.